An Insight Into My Life

My full name is Esme Anne Platt Evenson Cullen. I am hopelessly in love with my husband, Carlisle, and devoted to each of my children; Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Bella, and of course, my darling granddaughter, Renesmee. Some say that I carried my ability to love passionately into this new life. I say that everyone has the ability to love with as much passion as they can muster, regardless of who they are. For some it is buried, for others it is readily acsesible. All you truly need to do, is search deep within yourself to find the courage to love someone with everything you possess. My story is one that is bittersweet, but I would not be who I am today if I had not experienced all the love, life, and loss.

I was born into this world as Esme Anne Platt, in the year 1895, and spent the majority of my human years growing up near Columbus, Ohio. I cannot recall the memories from my early childhood, but I have managed to retain some rather vivid details of my young adulthood. For the most part, my adolescent life was that of a simple one, though my family struggled to achieve a respectful relationship within the community. Even at the early age of fourteen, my father was already searching for a companion worthy of myself. Of course, my interests were not always first in his mind, so I tried my hardest to decline his constant requests. I often found solace within the beauty of nature, losing myself in its splendor. Sitting out amongst the trees seemed to be my only point of guiding light. That was, until I met Dr. Carlisle Cullen. It was 1911, when our introduction occured, brought into being by my own clumsiness. I was sixteen years old, and although this was not the first time my eyes had involuntarily drifted in his direction, it quickly became a turning point in my life. I realized in that moment, as he was caring so tenderly to my broken leg, that everything I was searching for rested in his unusual eyes. He was proper, well spoken, and a complete gentleman. I found it difficult to veer my attention from his face, his tenderness, and his voice that rang like music across the room. His compassion, and complete dedication, pulled at every inch of my conflicted heart. I was too young to know what love truly was, even though I felt it burning deep inside my soul, and I left his office that day with a strange sense of uneasiness. My fears were confirmed only a few days after our next encounter, as he relocated his practice out of town. I was devestated, but carried on through the next few years of my life, always thinking about the attractive doctor who had been so selfless and kind to me. The days turned into years, and still I could not shake the feeling he had imprinted on my heart. He was never far from my thoughts, not even after I entered into an egagement of my fathers choosing. Out of the small group of friends I surrounded myself with, I was the only remaining one left unwed. It was then, at the age of twenty two, I appeased my family, and married Charles Evenson. I barely knew him, and my life soon turned brutal behind closed doors. I lived in constant fear of my husband, seeking shelter with my family to no avail. It wasn't until Charles was drafted into the war, that I found any peace in my life. However, that peace did not last long, as he returned shortly thereafter, only to begin his tirade upon me once more. It was during the year 1920, that I was blessed with child. Out of fear for what might happen to my unborn baby, I fled from Charles, traveling north to pursue my dream of becoming a teacher. I soon settled in the quaint town of Ashland, Wisconsin in 1921, and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The moment I saw his glorious face, he staked a permanent claim on my heart. I loved him from that very first moment, that very first cry. But my happiness was short lived, as my precious child struggled to survive, losing his battle only three agonizing days later. I watched in horror, unable to save that which was mine, and all the while wishing I could take his place, and ease his suffering. I was beside myself, broken, and vacant. I wandered the streets for hours, thinking of ways to end my own life. My heart ached to hold him, desperately hoping that it had all just been a bad dream. But the nightmare was real. I had nothing left in me to give, as I climbed to the top of the highest cliff I could manage. I was determined to end my life, seeing no reason to continue the horrible charade, and jumped into the abyss. Everything was cold, uninviting, and darkness soon washed over me. I knew my life was nearing the end, but somewhere in the distance I could hear a familiar musical voice, beckoning me to stay in this world. His voice was unlike anything I had ever heard, yet somehow I had known it my entire life, and I could not refuse this angel's call. Then, just as suddenly as the chilly inevitability of death had come, I was enveloped in a blaze of heat. It coursed through my body, burning slowly at first, then quickly overtaking all of my senses. I struggled and fought back against the agony, searching for a way to end whatever was happening to me in that moment. Time had lost all meaning to me, as the fire raced through my veins, causing screams to errupt without my permission. The only beacon throughout the entire process was that of a melody; constantly humming close to my ear. Just when I began to think the pain would never cease, it subsided. I opened my eyes to see an astonishing sight before me, something that made my soul light up, and the pain was soon nothing but a distant memory. His face was just as I remembered it all those years before, nothing had changed save my feelings for him. I instantly knew that I had always been in love with Carlisle from the first moment I saw him. That the longing in my heart had always been for him, and as I listened to him describe what I had become, I realized my love was in no way one sided. Carlisle both loved, and adored me, equally. His passion for me was, and always will be, endless and eternal. He is my soul, my love, my life, my existence.